First Steps to Forgiveness
Matthew 18:15-22
Luke 17:1-4


Introduction:
The following steps are refering to conflict resolution between
brothers. They are not principles for resolving issues of crimes such
as murder, rape, child molestation, etc. 
 
If from BROTHERS -
"Deal with it!"  - Matthew 5:23-24 / Matthew 18:14-35

If from ENEMIES -
"Take it patiently" - Matthew 5:38 /  Romans 12:20 / 1 Peter 2:19-23



I. The Offense

The Words
Mat 6:12 "debts - <3783> opheilema - what is owed, sin, offense,
unpaid obligation

Mat 6:14 "trespass" = <3900> paratoma - dropped ball, fumblings,
lapses. Fall beside, misdeed

Mat 18:27 "debt" = <1156> daneion - loan, for the word lend, 

Mat 18:30 "his debt" = <3784> opheilo - debt, owed bill, outstanding
debt, outstanding loan

1 Peter 3:20 "faults" = <264> hamartano - to miss the mark, mistake,
error, wrong

The Deeds
1. Trespass - a broken right, property damage

2. Violation - of trust, respect, space, property, dignity, confidence

3. Pain - infliction of pain, physical pain

4, Wound - hurt feelings, it is long standing emotional injury that
cannot be undone

5. Betrayal - someone took what was mine "my job", "my position" 

6. Slander - words that hurt, harm, kill, maim, destroy reputations,
or integrity

7. Debts - something owed to you whether debt, loan, apology

8. Defraud - cheated, taken to court by fraud, cheated out of what is
rightfully yours.



Dangers: 
Some people wear their feelings on their sleeves, chip on their
shoulder, just waiting for someone to bump them the wrong way, ignore
them,

Warning: Offense needs to be ligitimate, identifiable, specific
Warning: Paranoia is not the other person's fault
(ie.) You didn't say "good morning" to me
(ie.) You looked at me funny
(ie.) You ignored me yesterday when I waved at you
(ie.) I expected you to - and you didn't

Six dangerous of "Misunderstandings"
Are you - Mind reading? -- presuming to know what they were thinking

Are you - Motive reading? -- assuming you know their heart motives

Are you - Mis-reading? -- reading too much into situations, body
language, facial expressions

Are you - Mis-communicating -- mis-understanding, mis-interpreting,
mis-listening, mis-taken

Are you - Mis-speaking? -- slip of the tongue, use of the wrong words
inadvertently

Are you - Mis-informed? -- do you have all the facts? Are you sure?
Are their witnesses to those facts? Who are you believing?

 

II. The Approach - what are you to do?

Matthew 18:15 "Moreover  if  thy  brother  shall trespass <264>
against  thee, go <5217>  and  tell <1651> him his fault <1651>
between  thee and  him alone <3441>: if he shall hear <191> thee, thou
hast gained <2770> thy  brother."

1. Go to him alone

a. Not by proxy
         Not on the phone
         Not by letter
         Not in foyer of church
         Not in a crowd

b. YOU go - personal responsibility

c. Go - not charge, not march, not run… just go
	go "meekly" - Galatians 6:1
	go "assuming misunderstanding" 
	go "tactfully" - bluntness is not boldness and is not a virtue

d. Go purposefully - godly purpose and for peace of mind - not to give
   a piece of mind.

e. Go "alone" - eyeball to eyeball, you and me alone, no one else
   needs to know.

        Crowds with swords and staves are threatening
	One on one


2. Tell it to him   (Mat. 18:15 = Tell, Luke 17:3 = Rebuke)
    (Literally "tell the fault")

a. Tell fault - what happened, what was said, what you heard, how you
   felt, why it hurt Explain it!

b. Tell him - DON'T ATTACK HIM! 

I Timothy 5:1 "Rebuke not an elder."  Epiplesso = 1) to strike
upon, beat upon  2) to  chastise with words, to chide, upbraid, rebuke

c. Tell it to him ONLY.  Not to everyone else, then to him. 
	Tell it to him FIRST


Many New Testament words are used to describe our mutual interaction

Tell --   <1651> elegcho - to convict, convince, refute, bring to
light, expose (2 Tim 4:2)

Rebuke -- <2008> epitimao - to show honor to, raise price of, chide,
rebuke, silence, command to stop, oppose.

Restore -- <2675> kataitizo - to make perfect, outfit, prepare, render
sound, repair

Instruct -- <3811> paideuo - to train, correct by instruction,
chastise (2 Tim 2:25)

Admonish -- <3560> noutheteo - to warn, exhort, set on straight and
narrow Also uses as "warn"

Exhort -- <3870> parakaleo - to call aside, to side, address, speak
to, entreat, instruct

Comfort -- <3888> paramutheomai - to calm, comfort, sooth over,
console, 


III. The Solution 

Diplomatic negotiations  - Kissenger, "never back your opponent into a
corner. Allow space for him to save face and back down gracefully."

Negotiate! "Sue for peace"  - seek peace and pursue it. 
As much as lies in you live peaceably with all men."

Matthew 5:9 
"Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the children of
God."

Romans 12:18  
If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

I Peter 5:8  
Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love
as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous:9  Not rendering evil for evil,
or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are
thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing. 10  For he that
will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from
evil, and his lips that they speak no guile: 11  Let him eschew evil,
and do good; let him seek peace, and ensue it. 12  For the eyes of the
Lord are over the right eous, and his ears are open unto their
prayers: but the face of the Lord is against them that do evil. 13
And who is he that will harm you, if ye be followers of that which is
good? 14  But and if ye suffer for righteousness' sake, happy are ye:
and be not afraid of their terror, neither be troubled; 15  But
sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an
answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in
you with meekness and fear:


Word Studies

Matthew 18:15 "Moreover  if  thy  brother  shall trespass <264>
against  thee, go <5217>  and  tell <1651> him his fault <1651>
between  thee and  him alone <3441>: if he shall hear <191> thee, thou
hast gained <2770> thy  brother."

264 trespass - amartanw hamartano ham-ar-tan'-o 
AV-sin 38, trespass 3, offend 1, for your faults 1; 43 
1) to be without a share in 
2) to miss the mark 
3) to err, be mistaken 
4) to miss or wander from the path of uprightness and honour,
  to do or go wrong
5) to wander from the law of God, violate God's law, sin


5217 go - upagw hupago hoop-ag'-o 
go (one's) way 17, go away 3, get thee 3, depart 2, get thee
hence 1;
1) to lead under, bring under
2) to withdraw one's self, to go away, depart 


3441 alone - monov monos mon'-os 
AV-only 24, alone 21, by (one's) self 2; 47 
1) alone (without a companion), forsaken, destitute of help, alone,
only, merely


1651 tell fault - elegcw elegcho el-eng'-kho 
AV-reprove 6, rebuke 5, convince 4, tell (one's) fault 1, convict 1; 17 
1) to convict, refute, confute 
1a) generally with a suggestion of shame of the person convicted 
1b) by conviction to bring to the light, to expose 
2) to find fault with, correct 
2a) by word 
2a1) to reprehend severely, chide, admonish, reprove 
2a2) to call to account, show one his fault, demand an explanation 
2b) by deed 
2b1) to chasten, to punish 


From Luke 17:1 -2008 rebuke - epitimaow epitimao
AV-rebuke 24, charge 4, straightly charge 1; 29 
1) to show honour to, to honour 
2) to raise the price of 
3) to adjudge, award, in the sense of merited penalty 
4) to tax with fault, rate, chide, rebuke, reprove, censure severely 
4a) to admonish or charge sharply 


Scriptures
Matthew 18:15 -20
Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him
his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast
gained thy brother.16  But if he will not hear thee, then take with
thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses
every word may be established. 17  And if he shall neglect to hear
them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church,
let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican. 18  Verily I
say unto you, Whatsoever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven:
and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.19
Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as
touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of
my Father which is in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered
together in my name, there am I in the midst of them. 21  Then came
Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me,
and I forgive him? till seven times? 22  Jesus saith unto him, I say
not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

Luke 17:1 -4
Then said he unto the disciples, It is impossible but that offences
will come: but woe unto him, through whom they come! 2  It were better
for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into
the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones. 3  Take
heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him;
and if he repent, forgive him. 4  And if he trespass against thee
seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee,
saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him.

Matthew 5:38-48
38  Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a
tooth for a tooth: 39  But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil:
but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the
other also. 40  And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away
thy coat, let him have thy cloke also. 41  And whosoever shall compel
thee to go a mile, go with him twain. 42  Give to him that asketh
thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away. 43 Ye
have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and
hate thine enemy. 44  But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless
them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them
which despitefully use you, and persecute you; 45  That ye may be the
children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to
rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on
the unjust. 46  For if ye love them which love you, what reward have
ye? do not even the publicans the same? 47  And if ye salute your
brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans
so? 48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven
is perfect.