Perfectionism - Part 2
Stinkin' Thinkin' - Part 4

"Be ye perfect as you Father in heaven is perfect." Matthew 5:48



I. Not all Perfectionism is Bad

1. Like all cholesterol is not bad, some good and important
Here is a listing of the good and the bad.

He is neat
He is clean
He is orderly
He is dutiful
He is conscientious
He is successful
He is productive
He is fast
He works hard
He can be depended on
He is meticulous
He is careful
He is precise
He is on time
He is a good student
He is organized
He gets things done
He does good work
He is competitive
He is fugal
He is disciplined
He is reliable
He is very moral

He is afraid of failure
He fears taking risks
He is obsessive
He is compulsive
He is frugal
He is stingy
He is selfish
He is demanding
He is authoritarian
He is legalistic
He is unforgiving
He is obstinate
He is insecure
He fears the future
He fears loss of control
He is self-willed
He is a know-it-all
He is explosive
He fears being proven wrong
He needs to be in control 
He is a worrier
He is unable to relax
He is overly strict
He is punitive
He is rigid and inflexible
He is temperamental
He is easily angered
He holds grudges
He splits hairs
He is cold and aloof
He is not a people person
He is overly competitive
He finds fault with everything/everyone
He is hard to please
He is often unhappy
He needs power
He tends to isolate self
He lives in the future
He procrastinates
He can't stand criticism
He hates admitting mistakes

2. Minirith/Meier from Happiness is a Choice, page 55-56

"Out of all the various personality types in our culture, there is one
type that is more likely than any other to get depressed at some time
in life. That type is the "nice guy" - the person who is
self-sacrificing, overly conscientious, overdutiful, hard-working, and
frequently quite religious. Psychiatrists call this type the
obsessive-complusive. Most lay persons call him the perfectionist, or
a "workaholic," or even a dedicated servant. Over 90 percent of the
physicians and 75 percent of the ministers t o whom we have given
tests leaned primarily toward obsessive-complusive personality traits.
Lawyers, musicians, engineers, architects, dentists, computer
programmers, and other professionals in general have many
obsessive-compulsive traits. That is probably why physicians,
dentists, and musicians have the highest suicide rates."

3. The perfectionist is obsessed with three things:

   TIME - Punctuality, and hurry

   DIRT - Cleanliness, orderliness

   MONEY - Achievement, success, accumulation




II. Three Harms (wrongs) of Perfectionism


1. Believes lies - such as unrealistic expectations, half-truths,
false motivations. Is involved in daily use of 8 of 10 thinking
distortions.

2. Does harm - is often cruel, insensitive to people's feelings,
demanding, authoritarian, angry and accusatory. (People are less
important than achievements.)

3. Rejects people based on performance. - The bottom line is always
production. A man's worth is judged by his work. Those who perform
well are accepted - others are despised, criticized and rejected.


You will be surprised to learn that what you are working on is not
perfection but FEAR OF REJECTION. Someone is watching. What will they
think? You are really trying to avoid criticism, rejection, and
disapproval of others. Most perfectionists are not perfectionists in
everything. They are selective perfectionists. Usually they are
perfectionist in things that others will see and judge them by.


THREE NEW RULES FOR PERFECTIONISTS:

1. Believe no lie. "Prove all things, hold fast that which is good." -
1 Thessalonians 5:21

2. Do no harm. Practice no unrealistic expectations, stop demanding so
much, cease from anger, do not motivate through fear, lead - don't
drive people.

3. Love people more than performance. Lighten up! Appreciate and
express appreciation for every effort, perfect or not. People are
human. They are not robots. 




III. Practical Suggestions 
for your Perfectionistic Thinking?

1) Recognize perfectionism's dangers and destructive tendencies.

2) Learn to hear and record your destructive thoughts. All-or-nothing,
name calling, etc. Keep a diary or journal of your daily feelings.
Mark feeling, depressing thought, and rational response. 

3) Search for perfection - Understand the futility of perfection
expectations. Anything or anyone in whom there is no room for
improvement. 

4) List perfectionism advantages/disadvantages. Until we see and are
thoroughly convinced that perfectionism is an obsession we will not
change. 

5) Change your demands -- 80%, 90%, or aim to be consistently
adequate. Lower your aim. Set realistic goals, achievable goals. Dare
to be average!

6) Grade your perfections - bushing teeth, combing hair, taking a
bath, putting on deodorant, mowing lawn, singing song, etc. How
perfect did you do? 100%, 90%, 80%

7) Make mistakes. Leave them on purpose - it won't kill you!

8) Focus on things accomplished more than things not done. Rejoice in
each completed task. Celebrate being finished. 

9) Refuse the accuser - recognize the accusing voice. It is not God.
Reckon yourself to be alive unto God, perfected forever, made complete
in him, to be presented faultless before His throne.

10) Do things for the process, not the outcome. Enjoy life's
pleasures, not for achievement but for the ride. Smell the roses.
Watch a sunset. Be still.

11) Love people more than performance. Think of non-perfectionistic
people you love for who they are not what they achieve or accomplish.

1. ____ I am a competitive person
2. ____ I am not very flexible
3. ____ I believe there is a right way and a wrong way of doing everything.
4. ____ I like to be in control of myself and my environment
5. ____ I often focus on irrelevant details.
6. ____ I often procrastinate.
7. ____ I am a fussy person - a nit-picker.
8. ____ I give the appearance of confidence, but I feel insecure.
9. ____ I am not comfortable 'baring my soul.' I keep my emotions to myself.
10. ____ I am dependable.
11. ____ I check and recheck things to make sure they are turned off, locked up, etc.
12. ____ I hate being late.
13. ____ I don't relax easily.
14. ____ I am always worried about what people will think.
15. ____ I am always worried about the future and what might go wrong.
16. ____ I make lots of lists.
17. ____ I am very organized.
18. ____ I am an extreme person - assertive at times, withdrawn other times.
19. ____ I don't like surprises or spontaneity. I want to know what is going to happen.
20. ____ When things aren't done right, (my way) I get irritable and angry.
21. ____ I have high standards for myself and everyone else.
22. ____ I don't like lazy people.
23. ____ I get mad when something breaks.
24. ____ I look for someone to blame when things go wrong.
25. ____ I am accused of being uptight.